Not Every Door Is An Exit — September 4, 2021
FEAR
I had been doing well in my battle against pancreatic cancer. I had for the most part tolerated chemo treatments well. I had regained the weight I had lost, I had steadily increased my exercise program, I had gotten off of oxygen and out of my wheelchair and I had potentially malignant ascites drained from my body.
When first diagnosed with cancer in February the cancer count in my blood was 220–230. Anything over 300 indicates that the tumor is rapidly metastasizing and is spreading to other organs and therefore uncontrollable.
In June the number had dropped to 54. Anything under 39 is considered within the normal range. However on my way to chemo recently I discovered that the level had risen to 71.
I felt fear trying to creep into my thoughts, heart and mind. In fact when I arrived for my chemo treatment my blood pressure was 10–15 points higher than usual.
I know fear is not a fruit of God’s Spirit so why was I struggling with it.
I remember a scene from a movie called ‘The Replacements’. It was about a number of football players who weren’t quite good enough for the pros. However the league was on strike and they were asked to form a team made of temporary substitute players.
They came from various backgrounds; ex-cons, grocery workers, security guards, cleaners and maintainers of other people’s property.
To establish a sense of unity among this rag tag team of replacements the coach asked them to discuss their fears. At first they talked about spiders but eventually they talked about their greatest fear — failure and going back to their past.
At times something will remind us of a negative experience from our past. We feel fear rising up as that memory threatens to explode into actuality.
Today we are hearing about hurricanes, floods, and wildfires. Maybe some of us have hurtful memories of surviving floods, earthquakes or being evacuated from the wildfires which hit our areas in the past. As we see the suffering being revealed on our television screens we might feel a tinge of fear.
For months we have been hearing about the various mutations of COVID-19. Many of us have not yet recovered from the effects of the first strain of the virus. Loved ones have passed away, others are still with us but only after a difficult hospitalization. We ourselves have been diagnosed with it but thankfully the symptoms were mild or asymptomatic.
But when we think about it attacking our community again in a new form we feel the old fear of a year ago pounding at our being. Do I panic buy, do I get a booster shot, do I send my child to school, do I go to a restaurant or movie theater?
Jesus’ disciples were professional fishermen and were familiar with the dangerous occasionally deadly consequences of storms on the sea. One night a ferocious storm rose up and they had flashbacks of other terrible storms. They not only became fearful they panicked and rushed below deck and woke Jesus up screaming ‘Don’t you care that we are going to die!’
Jesus’ first words to them were ‘Why are you afraid!’ He then calmed the storm. If Jesus is with us why are we afraid? Now granted as things spin out of control it may seem that He is asleep or absent but it’s only because we are looking at the storm and not at Him.
Sometimes we are afraid because we are facing things we never faced before; serious health problems, financial collapse, family breakup.
One night when Jesus’ disciples were out far from land they saw an apparition walking on the water. This was a new eerie experience out of their control. They were afraid!
Sometimes the future can be scary because we are afraid that we will face situations and people we have never faced before. The situations may seem to be eerie and out of control and so might the people.
What did Jesus say to the disciples during this strange unexpected encounter? He revealed Himself. It was not an apparition or ghost it was Jesus Himself. He told them ‘Fear not it is I’.
Not only is Jesus in control of our future He is also very much a part of it. A prayer to help us with facing what seems like an eerie and uncontrollable future is to remember that Jesus ultimately IS our future.
Jesus You are with us in our present struggles so You ask us why are we afraid? The world and situations in our lives may seem scary but You are with us and You have overcome the world!
Jesus You are with us during any eerie, seemingly uncontrollable events in the future because not only do You control the future but You are our future.
‘Fear not it is I.’
Amen.
To be continued …
